Laughing as a Service (LaaS): Terms & Conditions

By existing in a carbon-based format and continuing to inhale oxygen, you (hereafter referred to as "The Victim") agree to the following legally binding absurdities. Please read carefully; your soul is already opted-in by default.

1.1. The Right to Liberty: 

You are granted the total freedom to choose which brand of breakfast cereal you eat while the coastal cities slowly submerge. This is your "Liberty." Use it wisely; it expires the moment you realize your vote is a suggestion box located in a paper shredder. 

1.2. The Pursuit of Happiness: 

LaaS defines "Happiness" as a temporary chemical glitch in the brain. We do not guarantee its arrival. If your pursuit of happiness leads you to a brick wall, you are encouraged to laugh at the quality of the masonry.

2.1. Hardware Failure: 

The Victim acknowledges that their "Body" is a lease-only vehicle with a catastrophic warranty. LaaS is not responsible for: knees that sound like gravel in a blender, hair migrating from the scalp to the ears, or the sudden realization that you are becoming your father. 

2.2. Product Recall: 

Evolution reserves the right to recall your consciousness at any time without prior notice. Death is not a "bug"; it is the ultimate "System Update."

3.1. Value of Currency: 

You agree that money is a collective hallucination. Laughing at your bank balance is the only way to maintain the "Service." If you find yourself unable to pay rent, simply inform your landlord that you have transitioned to an "Experimental Performance Art" lifestyle. 

3.2. Wealth Distribution: 

You acknowledge that the "Top 1%" are actually just the winners of a very intense game of Musical Chairs played on a sinking ship. The prize is more chairs.

4.1. Fairness Guarantee: 

There isn't one. The universe is not a courtroom; it is a casino where the house always wins and the house is a black hole. 

4.2. The "Bastard" Clause: 

If a "Villain" succeeds while you "The Victim" fail, you are contractually obligated to find the punchline. To stay angry is to pay rent to the villain in your head. To laugh is to evict them and burn the furniture.

5.1. Final Exit: 

This contract terminates upon the cessation of your heartbeat. Please note that "The Light at the End of the Tunnel" may just be the headlamp of an oncoming train. 

5.2. Refund Policy: 

There are no refunds for "Time Wasted Being Serious." All tears shed over things you cannot control are non-refundable and will be used to salt the Earth.

X_________________________________________________ 

(By signing, you admit that life is a tragedy in long-shot, but a comedy in close-up. Now, get out there and start cackling.)